options: refuse aliases for exact option rules

parse_one_refuse_match() marked only the first long_options row whose
long name matched the configured spelling, then broke out for a
non-wildcard rule.  --compress-threads and --zt are separate popt rows
that both write &do_compression_threads, so "refuse options =
compress-threads" disabled the canonical row and left the alias
accepted: the refused capability was still reachable under its other
name.  The same shape covers zc/compress-choice and zl/compress-level.

An exact rule names a capability, not one spelling of it, so mark every
row that does the same thing.  Comparing the raw table fields is not
enough for that: popt's `val` means different things per argInfo.  For
POPT_ARG_VAL it IS the value stored in `arg`, while elsewhere a nonzero
`val` is an action code for the parser's switch, and POPT_ARG_NONE with
a destination stores 1 whatever `val` says.  --del is
POPT_ARG_NONE/&delete_during/0 and --delete-during is
POPT_ARG_VAL/&delete_during/1: the same destination and the same
resulting value, but unequal as table entries, so "refuse options =
delete-during" was still evaded by --del and the mirror held too.

Compare what a row does instead -- the destination and the constant it
assigns, falling back to table-entry equality for rows that store a
runtime value or only dispatch an action.  Enumerating all 258 rows,
this couples exactly one pair the field comparison missed, del and
delete-during, and changes nothing else.  Opposite switches such as
--foo and --no-foo stay distinct because they assign different values.

Two regressions.  The compress-threads one drives the raw daemon
protocol -- not to preserve the spelling, which -M--zt=N would do just as
well, but because it goes on to observe the worker pool the bypass
delivers.  Its oracle is the refusal itself -- the alias connection torn
down and
"configured to refuse --zt" logged -- and deliberately not the resulting
worker count: an accepted --zt is a defeated refuse rule however few
threads it produces, and the daemon worker cap being added alongside
this holds that count to 9, so a count-based assertion passes while the
alias is still accepted.  Run that test against the cap without this
parser fix and it does exactly that; the two changes were covering for
each other.

The delete one needs neither zstd nor a socket: --remote-option puts the
option in the daemon's argv verbatim, which is the reach an ordinary
user already has, so it drives a stock client both ways round against
modules refusing each spelling, with an unrefused module as the control.

The compress-threads test needs --use-tcp, so it skips in every other
column and is declared in the workflows that enforce a skip set, which a
fleet run otherwise reports as an unexpected skip on fourteen cells.

(cherry picked from commit c529163ef0)
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