ssh/tailssh,ipn/ipnlocal: terminate any active sessions on up --ssh=false

Currently the ssh session isn't terminated cleanly, instead the packets
are just are no longer routed to the in-proc SSH server. This makes it
so that clients get a disconnection when the `RunSSH` pref changes to
`false`.

Updates #3802

Signed-off-by: Maisem Ali <maisem@tailscale.com>
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