sockstats: refactor validation to be opt-in

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Followup to #7499 to make validation a separate function (
GetWithValidation vs. Get). This way callers that don't need it don't
pay the cost of a syscall per active TCP socket.

Also clears the conn on close, so that we don't double-count the stats.

Also more consistently uses Go doc comments for the exported API of the
sockstats package.

Updates tailscale/corp#9230
Updates #3363

Signed-off-by: Mihai Parparita <mihai@tailscale.com>

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