derp: redo, simplify how mesh update writes are queued/written

I couldn't convince myself the old way was safe and couldn't lose
writes.

And it seemed too complicated.

Updates tailscale/corp#21104

Change-Id: I17ba7c7d6fd83458a311ac671146a1f6a458a5c1
Signed-off-by: Brad Fitzpatrick <bradfitz@tailscale.com>
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