all: use set.Set consistently instead of map[T]struct{}

I didn't clean up the more idiomatic map[T]bool with true values, at
least yet.  I just converted the relatively awkward struct{}-valued
maps.

Updates #cleanup

Change-Id: I758abebd2bb1f64bc7a9d0f25c32298f4679c14f
Signed-off-by: Brad Fitzpatrick <bradfitz@tailscale.com>
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