ipn: enforce lossless IPN bus delta streams

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New-style IPN bus subscribers consume stateful delta streams. Reject
NotifyRateLimit when it is combined with those subscription bits so
tailscaled cannot merge or delay messages that clients need to apply in
order.

Also stop silently dropping notifications when a watcher falls behind.
Remove the watcher, replace its stale queue with one terminal ErrMessage
notification, and close the watch.

Updates #20062

Change-Id: Id9d402ea76f4011cd23f122adf62f30dd4b6f90b
Signed-off-by: Brad Fitzpatrick <bradfitz@tailscale.com>

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