ipn/ipn{ext,local}: allow extension lookup by name or type

In this PR, we add two methods to facilitate extension lookup by both extensions,
and non-extensions (e.g., PeerAPI or LocalAPI handlers):
 - FindExtensionByName returns an extension with the specified name.
   It can then be type asserted to a given type.
 - FindMatchingExtension is like errors.As, but for extensions.
   It returns the first extension that matches the target type (either a specific extension
   or an interface).

Updates tailscale/corp#27645
Updates tailscale/corp#27502

Signed-off-by: Nick Khyl <nickk@tailscale.com>
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