ipn: add no-disconnect in-process bus subscribers

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Add NotifyInProcessNoDisconnect for in-process IPN bus subscribers that
must apply every bus update. When such a subscriber falls behind, block
Notify production instead of sending the terminal fell-behind message and
closing the watch.

This is intentionally not available over LocalAPI, where a slow or stuck
out-of-process client should still be disconnected rather than allowed to
stall tailscaled. In-process callers that use the bit must keep their
callbacks fast and must not call back into LocalBackend from the callback.

Updates #20062

Change-Id: I730ad61a07475243bb226fba2262c1a3ded211ae
Signed-off-by: Brad Fitzpatrick <bradfitz@tailscale.com>

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